A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively “You’ve got great hair!” The man looked around but couldn’t see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer.A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say “You’re a handsome man!” The man looked around, but still couldn’t see where the voice was coming from.When he went back to his beer, the voice said again “What a stud you are!” The man was so baffled by this that he asked the bartender what was going on.The bartender said “Oh, it’s the nuts–they’re complimentary.”
Author: admin
Men’s Life Styles Through the Ages
AGE DRINK
17 beer
25 beer
35 vodka
48 double vodka
66 Maalox
SEDUCTION LINE
17 My parents are away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48 My wife is away for the weekend.
66 My second wife is dead.
FAVORITE SPORT
17 sex
25 sex
35 sex
48 sex
66 napping
DRUG
17 pot
25 pot & alcohol
35 alcohol
48 power
66 scotch, a limousine, the company jet
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 “tongue”
25 “breakfast”
35 “I didn’t bump into her kids.”
48 “She didn’t set back my therapy.”
66 “Got home alive.”
FAVORITE FEMALE PART
17 “All”
25 “Breasts”
35 “Breasts”
48 “Breasts”
66 “Small butt in a thong”
FAVORITE ACT
17 “Anything we can get”
25 “Missionary”
35 “Oral”
48 “Oral”
66 “Oral”
FAVORITE PLACE
17 “Any place”
25 “His bedroom”
35 “Any place her kids aren’t”
48 “Her bedroom”
66 “Anywhere there’s an oxygen tank”
FAVORITE FANTASY
17 getting to third
25 airplane sex
35 menage a trois
48 taking his company public
66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
HOUSE PET
17 roaches
25 stoned-out college roommate
35 Irish setter
48 children from his first marriage
66 ‘Bambi’
WHAT’S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17
IDEAL DATE
17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25 “Split the check before we go back to my place”
35 “Just come over.”
48 “Just come over and cook.”
66 sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas to see Frank
Why do ‘tug’ boats push
Why do ‘tug’ boats push their barges?
You’re So Ugly
You’re so ugly that when you were born, the doctor slapped yo’ mama!
Q. What’s the difference between a women’s…
Q. What’s the difference between a women’s track team and a tribe of pygmies?
A. The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.
Computer programmers know how to use their…
Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.
BASIC…
- BASIC (Acronym)
- Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control
Everyone Is Busy
Sales person: Hello, may I speak to the man of the house please?
Youngster: (whispering) No, he’s busy.
Sales person: Well then, can I please speak to your mother?
Youngster: (in a whisper) She’s busy too.
Sales person: I see, how about your brother or sister? Can I speak to him?
Youngster: (whispering) No. They’re both busy too.
Sales person: (losing patience) Is there anybody else there I could talk to???
Youngster: (in a whisper) Yeah, the police are here…but they are busy too….
Sales person: ( by now quite exasperated) What are all these people doing that keeps them so busy?!!!
Youngster: (still whispering) Looking for me.
G.W.Bush was very depressed
G.W.Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid.
So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says,
“Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people.
Let me show you.” She calls Tony Blair in and asks, “Tony, your parents had a
baby.
It isn’t your sister and it isn’t your brother. Who is it?” Tony Blair
replies, “It’s me!”
So G.W. calls Dick Cheney and says, “Dick, your parents had a baby.
It isn’t your sister and it isn’t your brother. Who is it?” And Cheney says,
“Wow, that’s a tough one. Let me get back to you.”
So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, “Colin, your parents had a baby.
It isn’t your sister and it isn’t your brother. Who is it?” And Colin Powell
says,
“It’s me!” So Cheney calls Bush and says, “It’s Colin Powell.”
And Bush says, “No, you idiot! It’s Tony Blair!”
Optimism
What is the definition of an optimist? An accordion player with a pager.
Boom!
One day 3 guys are in an airplane, An American, a Spaniard, and an Egyptian. Suddenly the plane gets to heavy while its over Egypt.
So the Egyptian throws a model of the Pyramids overboard. When he gets down he finds the boy crying.
Why are you crying little boy? He asks.
Im crying cause a pyramid fell on my head.
The plane gets back in the air and it is still too heavy. So the Spaniard throws a toy bull off the plane. He gets down and finds a boy crying.
Why are you crying little boy? He asks.
Im crying cause a toy bull fell on my head.
The plane goes back into the air and its still too heavy. The American then throws a pipe bomb out the overboard. He gets down and finds the boy laughing his guts out.
Why the hell are you laughing so hard?
Im laughing cuz when I farted the building behind me went boooooooooom!
Batman
Whats the difference between batman and a blackman?
Batman can go into a store without robbin!