One day an english guy was wearing a thong bathing suit. He
layed in the grass all day. He woke up and his dick was itching.
He realized ne nad crabs. “I’ve got crotch feasants.” he told
his girlfriend. “SO just shave the hair off.”
So he went home got a razor and started shaving.While he was
shaving he cut his penis and his scrotum off. He went to the
doctor and he said he could perform surgery to give him a
vagina. But in would take weeks to get all of his dead insides
out. So they gave him knock out gas. He woke up a week later
feeling like he had wild sex. And the doctor came in getting
dressed. “Oh you’re up well your all set.” he said. “why do I
feel like I’ve been having wild sex?”
“Well to tell you the truth it only took me one day to fix you.
But I gave you female hormones you grew breast and longer hair.
So I had sex with you and gave you a home pregnancy test. And
we’ll have a child nine months from last tuesday.”
Author: admin
Opportunity always knocks at the
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
What Next?
We did sex education at school, and were shown various films on the subject, one I especially remember was the ‘how to put on a condom’So when the time came, and I was in the position to try out what i learned at school, I took the condom and followed the instructions from the video.All was going well, when she said ‘So, now what do we do with the banana ??’
Q: How many Ku
Q: How many Ku Klux Klansmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: One hundred-one to do it and the others to stand around solemnly and watch the old bulb burn.
Tennis
Why can’t cmputers play tennis?
They try to surf the net.
A woman walks into a bar
a woman walks into a bar and says ow!!!
it was an iron bar
Your Momma So Poor
Your momma so poor she got evicted from a cardboard box.
Lone Ranger and Tonto…
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer.
After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said,
“Who owns the big white horse outside?”
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, “I do. Why?”
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, “I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!”
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, “Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.”
Tonto said, “Sure Kemosabe”, and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces,
“Who owns that big white horse outside?”
The Lone Ranger stands again and claims, “I do. What is wrong with him this time?”
The cowboy says to him, “Nothing much, I just wanted you to know –
you left your Injun running…”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Cher!Cher who?Cher and
Knock KnockWho’s there?Cher!Cher who?Cher and share alike!
The Blonde And the TV
There was a blonde doing her morning jogging and she came across to a pawn shop so she decided she wanted to go in. So she went in and asked the man if she could buy that TV. So the man said he dont sale to dumb blondes. So she went to get her hair color changed and went back into the pawn shop and asked the man if she could buy that TV the man said he dont sale to dumb blondes. So she went changed her whole wardrobe and her hair again and went back in to the pawn shop and asked if she could buy the TV and the guy said he dont sale to dumb blondes. Finally she got tired of changing everthing so she yelled How come you wont let me buy this TV and the man said because its not a tv its a Microwave
Bush at the Wheel
Bush at the Wheel
Some say George W. Bush quit drinking because of this incident… Back in
his party days, Dubya got behind the wheel after a few too many. He
started the car and stepped on the gas. He was driving for a while, when
suddenly a white ghost face appeared in the window. George saw it and
began screaming. He stepped on the gas harder, but the face floated right
in the window. George floored it – the speedometer read 110mph but the
face did not disappear. A white hands gestured for him to roll down the
window. Not knowing what else to do, he rolled it down slowly. The
wrinkled old face smiled and said, “Do you want help getting out of the
mud?””
“
Man in California
Once there was a man in California. He was standing on a beach when God appeared to him.
God said, “You’ve been a good man all your life and now I want to grant you one wish. Go ahead and wish for whatever you want.”
The man thought for a minute and then replied: “You know, I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii. Could you build me a highway to Hawaii so that I can drive there whenever I want?”
God exclaimed, “That’s impossible! The logistics….the engineering… I can’t do that! Wish for something else.”
So the man told God, “I’ve never been able to understand women. Could you give me the power to understand women?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Rocketman