How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
a: What’s a light bulb?
Author: admin
Career Move
A gynecologist decides that he’d had it with gynecology. He wanted to go and fulfill his lifelong dream and become a car mechanic. So he studied hard, and when he felt he was ready, he registered to go take the state licensing test.
The results of the test arrived a few weeks later, and with trembling hands he opened the envelope to discover that he passed with flying colors! He got a score of 200 points out of the 100 points possible.
“200 points out of 100 points possible?” he asks himself. “How can that be?”
So he calls the licensing board and they tell him: “You see sir, you received 50 points for taking the engine apart perfectly, 50 points for putting the engine back perfectly, and 100 EXTRA points for doing it all through the muffler.”
Pirate visits bar
A pirate was talking to a “land-luvver” in a bar. The land-luvver noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands and a patch over one eye. The land-luvver just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, “How did you loose your leg?” The pirate responded, “I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!”His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, “What about your hand. Did you loose it at the same time?” “No,” answered the pirate. “I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys.”Finally, the land-luvver asked, “I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you loose your eye?”The pirate answered, “I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye.”The land-luvver asked, “How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?”The pirate snapped, “It was the day after I got me hook!”
Q: How can you tell if a valentine is from…
Q: How can you tell if a valentine is from a leper?
A: The tongue’s still in the envelope.
Methuselah
A prominent young lawyer died on his way to court, and found himself before
the gates of Heaven. When he arrived, a chorus of angels appeared, singing in
his honor. St. Peter himself came out to shake his hand. “Mr Jones,” said St.
Peter, “it is a great honor to have you here at last. You are the first being to
break Methuselah’s record for longevity. You have lived 1028 years.”
“What are you talking about?” asked the lawyer. “I’m 46.”
“46? But aren’t you Steven Jones? The lawyer from Brooklyn”
“Yes,” the lawyer answered.
“Let me check the records,” said St Peter. He slapped his hand against his
forehead. “Oh, how silly of us. Now I see the mistake! We accidentally
calcluated your age by adding up the hours you billed to your clients!”
Mutual Orgasm
What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?An insurance company.
Got Any Grapes?
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?”The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn’t serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns and says, “Got any grapes?”Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ”Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!” The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ”Got any nails?” Confused, the bartenders says no. ”Good!” says the duck. ”Got any grapes?”
Once upon a time,there was a girl who was…
Once upon a time,there was a girl who was sleeping in her bedroom…..SHE was snoring loudly…..Mom regonised the noise and sehe went upstairs to see what was the noise…
After a while she saw that the girl was like a chicken!!!!
your mammas so fat, she sat on a rainbow and…
your mammas so fat, she sat on a rainbow and skittles pop out.
Top reason for sleep
“Oh, Man! Come in at 6 in the morning and look what happens!”
“This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!”
“This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!”
“Gee, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day.”
“They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
“Oh, Hi, I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands.”
“This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.”
“Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper”
“I was just meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!”
“This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!”
“I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance”
“It worked well for Reagan, didn’t it?”
“Just pacing myself for the all-nighter tonight!”
“I was working smarter-not harder.”
“Auggh! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”
“I’m in the management training program.”
“Someone must’ve put decaf in the wrong pot.”
“Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won’t wear off!”
“Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!”
“It’s okay… I’m still billing the client.”
And the #1 response if found asleep at your desk:
“…and I especially thank you for my excellent boss, Amen!”
how do you kill a blonde…
how do you kill a blonde
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put a strat and sniff at the bottom of a pool
Cierta noche, Manolo llega a
Cierta noche, Manolo llega a su casa; pasa a la habitaci�n; se quita la ropa y se acuesta al lado de su esposa. Antes de dormir, casualmente echa la mirada hacia los pies y se queda estupefacto:
“Pilarica, �qu� es lo que est� pasando? Yo veo seis pies del otro lado de la cama”.
“�C�mo puede ser? Son cuatro. Cu�ntalos bien”.
El hombre se levanta, se pone enfrente a la cama y se pone a contar:
“Uno, dos, tres, cuatro… Oh, s�, es verdad…”
Y se acuesta a dormir tranquilo.